No Title
I sit here staring at this familiar wall, feeling somewhat uninspired, wondering if the grass looks greener on the other side.
I am brainstorming, drawing clouds with sticks coming out of them with my imaginary pencil on to an imaginary canvas. I am looking for ways to break the chains that keep me shackled and confined to the conveyor belt of monotony that goes a little something like; wake up, go to work, get home, eat, go to sleep continue for 50 more years please.
But meh I guess I will talk about that another day.
I am from the UK as most of you have gathered. The population compared to Japan is pretty small. There are like so many more people in Japan. I suppose it has its good and bad points. A good point is based on the fact there are more females, there are going to be a higher number of hot females, DUCY? (Read as “Do you see why?”)
A bad thing though is that you see more people who are not doing too well. Maybe things are different back home, but I am pretty sure I have seen more blind people in the past year in Japan than I have in my whole life. Kinda makes me feel pretty silly walking around depressed in the morning when I see the local blind woman at my station who gets the same train as me that is normally smiling..
For some reason like the past couple of times I have got the train a couple of amputee victims have jumped on the same carriage as me. First there was a dude being pushed around in special wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. A few days later I saw a dude with no arms and a few days after that was a lady with no arms.
The most recent woman got on the rush hour train and it was really crowded. She was standing right next to me. Her left arm was completely gone but the right one had a sort of cone shape stub hanging from her shoulder but the rest of her arm from the elbow down was missing.
Based on the angle I was standing at I could see most of the train. The change in atmosphere and the way the people starred when she got on the train kinda made my heart sink a bit.
My first thought I had was that I wish I could give her a new set of arms. But obviously that is impossible.
Second thing that went through my mind was, “I wonder how she lost her arms.”
I feel pretty shitty for thinking about that. But curiosity is just human nature right …?
That heart sinking feeling was then anchored onto me for the next week. Anytime I would see someone who didn’t have both their arms in full sight I would remember the way I felt on the train. I would then have to break my neck just to make sure that they did in fact have the rest of their arms and it was just being hidden behind their back or pocket etc…
It was a pretty stressful week.
Meh dunno, recently just been thinking about life in general. Not to sound all Matrixy or anything but it is not till you actually go out and see the world for yourself that you realize how stuff like society, religion and most of the stuff implanted into your head when your younger is just bullshit.
There probably isn’t any point of life or being alive. But I guess while you are life you can find some interesting stuff to do. I would really love to just disappear and go live in the mountains for a month and see how I feel after that.
The aim now is to save up about half a year’s worth of living expenses then bounce from work. So just gotta keep on trucking till early next year.
Meh anyway here are some fireworks. Will probably do around the hood part 2 soon :O
Tags: Add new tag, Life, Quick Update, Ramblings, Random
Nino (55)
Michael Flux (40)
lina (31)
Jamaipanese (26)
Chris B (20)
sixmats (20)
Renee Khan (18)
Rachel (16)
Tokyo Grindhouse CEO (16)
Dutch Donut Girl (15)
August 21st, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Man, you sound a bit depressed or at least very serious. Is the humour gone? You probably seen too much negative stuff. I still hope you enjoy your stay there and share some funny stories. But this one is good for a change. Made me think.
August 21st, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Situations like those make me feel fortunate to have what I have, even if its something like my vision or the ability to walk. It’s a humbling feeling.
August 22nd, 2009 at 8:35 am
ditto what Nino said.
I demand the old happy Prometheus!
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Now I don’t know why because this was a serious post, but I was laughing my head off throughout. It is totally because of how you were describing it.
Love Renee xoxo
August 26th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
“it is not till you actually go out and see the world for yourself that you realize how stuff like society, religion and most of the stuff implanted into your head when your younger is just bullshit.”
I have seen a person murdered and another beaten into a coma which later resulted in death….another murder. I was shot it the leg and had two people put guns to my head at different times. That I’m alive is proof of something diving existing because I should be dead. I don’t know what that divine thing is but for me it exists and it makes me want to be a better human now. My teaching children is a stunning turnaround that some near me cannot believe.
I am excellent at it because of my experiences. I am me because of every single thing that has ever happened to me up until this very second and I am happy with myself. 7 months off the booze with no fighting has been a big step for my pride.
My mother used to tell me something that is worth saying.
However bad you feel, however alone and down you are or think you are..somewhere out there at this very moment there is someone who would pay to be you. Maybe they are watching their wife be eaten away by terminal cancer or perhaps their child died suddenly. Their misery is so deep and unimaginable it cannot be understood by others except those who have been there.
They would love to have your problems and stresses in exchange for theirs. You need to remember as you type with 10 fingers and look at your monitor with both eyes how truly blessed you are and maximize yourself to be the best worker,friend,partner,lover you can be.
Join an N.P.O and focus that sympathy or keep it to yourself and remember that being the best you you can be will have positive effects that you will never know but they will be there and others will be better for knowing you.
*****Ghetto Fantasy/ Geto Boys*****
(Bushwick Bill Verse)
Tomorrow there’ll be more killings in the hood
From child abuse to drug dealings it ain’t good
They want to see us stuck
Shit out of luck
Can’t nobody ever say I didn’t try to give a fuck
Cos I did and I do
The rest is up to you
No matter what you do to your hood stay true
And you’ll make it
Can’t nobody take it
Geto fantasies become realities if you don’t let em shake it.
August 27th, 2009 at 5:21 am
I always wonder why people are so quick to say there’s probably no point to life. With so much going on and so many ways we can learn, grow, change, inspire, etc etc– why do we rush to coolly stat that it’s all a bit pointless? If you were to speak to those amputees, I would imagine they see things a lot differently. And then you wonder, why does this little old lady with no legs value her life so much?
You’re right about most of that stuff that enters into your mind being bullshit. It’s belief systems. The belief sytems you grow to believe are bullshit. “you’ll never achieve that,” “you shouldn’t walk down that road,” “God is all powerful,” “rich people are selfish,” whatever it is– it’s just this belief pattern we get accustomed too. And it helps people to live because they just have SOMETHING to BELIEVE.
But true growth is getting past that and realising you don’t need to identify yourself with things to have meaning. You can know nothing, you can belong to know group and you can be lost in a field on your own, but you can still find meaning. But most of us are afraid to get to that point. We’re afraid to have life without labels and comfort zones.
Keep thinking about those amputees, keep thinking about those people you don’t understand. Wondering how they lost their limbs is not wrong. You just have a belief system, a societal voice in your head that says, “It’s not okay to ask that,” “that’s rude!,” etc. Get past it.
Don’t take the easy route and assume life is meaningless. Don’t judge it, live it.
August 29th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Are you sure you aren’t suffering from early winter depression? Although it’s barely autumn now….
August 29th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
@ ChrisB I am an atheist all my life and I am perfectly fine. I don’t need to create some higher imaginary force that supposedly helps me. ‘God’ never helps. I wonder why were you shot in the leg in the first place? Why wouldn’t your god overt the bullet? I think humans have a huge phantasy, because there’s questions we can’t ever answer and they will remain unanswered. I keep asking religious people How does god look like? Every single person will discribe him/her/it in a different way. That makes me confident that my approach is healthy (and sane). There’s probably no God, if there is one, he never reveals himself, nor does he meddle in our affairs. As Prometheus said:”stuff like society, religion and most of the stuff implanted into your head when your younger is just bullshit.” I couldn’t agree more with him.
So god is not responsible for you being shot in the leg, nor did he save your life. These were pure coincidences, you put a deeper meaning to them. You know how many people are shot at in this very moment? How many people starve, especially children? How many get abused now? What’s the point when god saved your life, but not theirs? Where is the righteousness? People who believe in god are very self-centred, as if whatever good happens to them, it’s god’s help. Look around, man. This world is a hell. Wars, famine, crime, abuse, disasters everywhere you look around. We all just try to survive somehow, try to look away from gruesome things, seek beauty, love, positive emotions. But once in a while we just get shaken up and see the reality. Just open your eyes. It god created this world, he created a pretty fucked up one. If he/she/it created humans, he did a pretty lousy job, for we have so many flaws. Religion is a phantasy world. Kids believe in Peter Pan or Santa, but we all grow up and realize it was all just a fairytale. Same is with god (the way religions portray him, I mean especially the 3 big ones).
August 29th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
@MKL -
#1 Go take a pill and sit down talk to a friend if you got one about this deep hate for religion you got??
I said “Divine”
I never mentioned God but you did about…er…10 times maybe?
Or come down to Yanai in Yamaguchi and spit that crap to my face and see how fast I put you down. I’ll write “GOD” on my right fist just for laughs so I can bang it off your skull repeatedly you f___ bitch. I know a nice quiet abandoned building 2 blocks from Yanai station.
I gave my opinion and never mentioned once a word that seems to cause you so much stress. You feel strong behind that keyboard MKL??
***Apology to the O.P.***
I never brought God into anything. As if doing so is such a f—ing big deal? I gave an opinion to you. If he wants to talk to me he now knows i prefer it to be directly.
I won’t touch this or waste your blog space with anymore of this.
August 29th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
ChrisB, what the heck?? I am really shocked O_o
You took it so personally and with such anger. Why do you threaten me with violence. Does your religion teach you that? I wasn’t stressed with your opinion, I just shared my point of view. Am I not allowed? You didn’t rebut my statements, instead you spew anger and threaten me with violence that is beyond acceptable. I have never recieved such hatered in return to a reply on someone’s blog. Chill man. I don’t know what’s your problem. And I can easily exchange ‘god’ with ‘divine’, if that’s what’s bothering you. Your opinion didn’t make me angry, stressed or upset at all. It’s your opinion to which I replied with my opinion. But your response is scary, you really have some issues.
Prometheus, I didn’t anticipate this, you know me. I’m sorry that this post got turned into this. I hoped for a normal debate, which I always do, but this is really extreme. Wow. I am still shocked.
August 30th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Sounds to me Mr P, like you are completely sane, just in need of a break. Take a break, go for a hike, get laid, drink beer and make your own meaning to life, just like the rest of us. Just a couple of suggestions, feel free to ignore.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:20 am
‘The grass will always be greener on the other side. So water and fertilize your own.’
That’s one of my favorite quotes. I use it in terms with cheaters, but I guess it could very well apply to anything in life.
Keep truckin.
September 11th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I hope whateverz goin down, you come out the other side strong.
September 13th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Oh I hope you can do that-go to the mountains. I feel bad moaning and try to be positive, but life is hard. There is no answer-my wish to win the lottery has just not come true. Bugger. Have you ever seen that youtube video of the woman-I think from China-with no arms or legs-it is just incredible. If that was me I would crawl into a hole and give up but no, she doesn’t, so maybe there is a point. Keep striving.
October 27th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Hope you’re still plugging away at your goal.
And, hope to see a life update sometime soon.
Cheers!
April 26th, 2010 at 4:31 am
Wonderful! I had been looking for this very information recently!